Self Employed Diaries Part 1
Why I want to work for myself, and a history of independence.
I want to work for myself. There, I said it. I feels sort of selfish, or big headed to say that but I think that’s just the shackles of capitalism that I am still trying to shrug off.
Because yes, I want to work for myself so that I can do work that I find fulfilling and on my own terms, but I also want to be self employed so that:
I can sleep in
I can take sick days without feeling guilty
It’s snowing as I write this and I would rather be outside frolicking than sat in an office
I don’t have to feel guilty if I’m not in a working mood
I can follow trails of interest rather than having a set to-do list
I don’t have to ask and negotiate for a long lunch or a break
I can take holiday whenever it suits me and I don’t need permission
I can actually have a work/life balance
I feel like all of these wants are reasonable. I just struggle to express what I want, because if I want it and then don’t achieve it then that’s more heartbreaking than not wanting anything in the first place. I don’t expect it to be quick or simple, but nothing worthwhile ever is. I keep coming back to the idea of being self-employed and self-sufficient and I would regret not taking the chance while I can.
So hello and welcome to a new series called “Self-Employed Diaries” where I document my journey to becoming self-employed!
A timeline of daydreams:
Age 6 - Wanted to be an astronaut
Age 7 - Wanted to be an author
Age 9 - Started a “tattoo” business with the glitter gel pens that I had gotten for my birthday. Made about a fiver, which felt like an infinite amount of money at the time
Age 12 - Wanted to run a fashion magazine (The Devil Wears Prada had a big effect on me)
Age 16 - Wanted to be a fashion designer
Age 19 - Started a jewellery business. Stayed up until 2am making stock, only to sell absolutely nothing at my first (and last) market stall
Age 20 - Started a second hand book subscription box business
Age 21 - Started a business making book-themed candles. Got featured in Buzzfeed and made £700 in two days. Then got a cease and desist letter for using H*rry P*tter terms and shut everything down because I worried that I would get sued.
Age 30 - Hello, this is where I am currently!
It’s pretty obvious that there’s a theme running through my life of wanting to explore paths where I am in charge of myself and my work. It also feature heavily in my daydreams; owning a successful business and being completely in charge of my daily life and the things that I create.
The Covid years have taught me that planning for the future can be thrown into disarray in a germ-y instant, so I’m hesitant to set out a map of what I want the next five or ten years to look like. But I can tell you what it is that I daydream about.
I think about being a writer, working on novels and scripts. I think about travelling the world and owning a house to come home to. I think about projects that I’d like to start and hobbies I’d like to try. I think about taking a Gaelic course on the Isle of Skye and going on a writing retreat in the mountains and sketching on an island in Greece.
I think about having the financial freedom to explore the world and the mental freedom to explore myself.
I’d like to be in a place where I can choose how to spend my life. Right now I don’t feel like there’s many choices to be made. Not when you want to keep a roof over your head. But I really hope I’ll make it someday.